Have you ever wondered why you’re not in a relationship? You’ve been on so many dates in the past, tried all the dating apps that are available but still not been able to find ‘the one’. Numerous times you’ve blamed yourself for being single, lost some self-esteem along the way, feel exhausted from having to meet new people all the time. If that resonates with you, then read on.
Of course, if you’re happily single and have made a choice to be single in that stage of your life, then that’s a great place to be. But if you’re single and don’t particularly want to be, why not try to understand more the true reasons why this might be?
This isn’t just about self doubt, believing that you’re unlovable or about you not being funny or pretty enough to be attractive to another human being. To relieve yourself of these common yet most likely false thoughts is the first step towards finding your match.
Quiz – Why Are You Still Single?
Before we dive into the 10 reasons why you are still single, take this quick quiz to find out what the reason might be for you.
10 Reasons Why You’re Still Single
We explore 10 reasons why you may still be single, which focus on things that are within your control and that you could work on to increase your chances of finding ‘the one’.
- Your Negative Views On Relationships
How you’ve been brought up and experiences of relationships surrounding your childhood, e.g. divorced parents, can have an impact on your thoughts about your own future relationships.
Think about how you would like your relationship to end up being and work towards that. Past experiences of others’ relationships doesn’t mean that your relationship will be the same.
- You Have High Expectations
The increasing popularity of Korean dramas over the past decade, as well as other media outlets, have set unrealistic expectations of what a relationship is like. From how you find love to the romantic moments. Of course, it’s possible to have that fairy tale ending, but it might not be with whom you expect.
- You Have A Defensive Barrier
Past relationships have meant that you have trust issues. You’re always on the lookout and looking to protect yourself. Maybe you’ve been in an abusive relationship, or perhaps you’ve been cheated on in the past. Whatever the reason, it might be hard to let someone else into your life. And this is ok.
Take your time in getting to know them and take your first steps as slow as you need. If they are right for you, they will understand and support it.
- You Don’t Love Yourself
You lack self-esteem and don’t have confidence in yourself either about your appearance or even about your own personality. Before you’ve even given yourself a chance, you have negative thoughts such as ‘They are out of my league’ or ‘They could definitely do better’.
But be confident and proud of who you are. Everyone deserves to be loved and your eventual other half will be lucky to have you!
- You’re Picky About Who You Date
You have a rigid idea of your ‘type’ and who you are ‘attracted’ to. Perhaps you are judging them before you’ve even had the date.
For example you might think, ‘Still single at 38, what’s wrong with them?’ But actually, you’re 38 and doing the same as them in looking for love, and there’s nothing wrong with you! So maybe it’s also time you gave that shorter suitor a chance?
- You Enjoy Your Own Space
You’ve become used to your independence and not used to having to share your physical space as well as thinking about how others feel. You want to be able to do what you want when you want but it isn’t so easy to do when in a relationship.
Good communication and boundary setting early on may help and you will be able to still enjoy your own space whilst being in a relationship.
- You’re Not Creating Opportunities
You’re not going on dates and if you are you’re sticking to one dating app. But what can help? Trying multiple dating apps helped me as different apps attract a different type of crowd. Create opportunities by socialising with different people at different events.
- You’re Moving Too Quickly
You’re not getting to know your date before you move onto the next part of the relationship. You might say ‘I love you’ too soon or talk about marriage almost immediately. Whilst it is good to set expectations early on in some circumstances, it can scare people away. Try to be on the same wavelength as the other person and read the signs.
- You’re Not Ready For A Relationship
As much as you think you want a relationship, it might be that deep down you’re not ready for one. You may see people around you in happy relationships or you’re getting older and society dictates that it’s the right time. But do you actually want to spend time worrying about another human being and caring about their feelings? Or are you just happy being with yourself for now?
- You Are Fearful
Perhaps you’ve never been in a relationship before. It’s a scary thing to let someone into your life. You may fear being intimate or fear sharing your life with someone. You may also be fearful of change. And this is all normal. But if you don’t take the leap and be a little vulnerable, you might not find out what beauty there is of being in a relationship.
Final Words Of Advice
The main piece of advice in getting out of singledom is to go at your own pace. Don’t allow societal norms to dictate when you choose to be in a relationship. Like anything else in life, it’s about taking the leap when you’re ready to.
Lastly, good luck in finding the one when you’re ready!
- Featured image by Maximilian Jaenicke on Unsplash
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